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Two Thieves And A Grappling Hook (Book)
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 Two Thieves And A Grappling Hook was a book written by Crassius Curio in the Third Era. It is riddled with sexual innuendo and cliche. The book centers around the catch-line 'But What If We're Caught?'. It shows the life of a master thief and his apprentice as they attempt major heists all over Tamriel.

Volume 1 - The Crown JewelsEdit

Novice: Master, the back door just wont open!

Master: You have the key, stick it in and twist it!

Novice: But master, what if the key snaps?

Master: Do as I say, quickly!

Novice: I'm in!

Master: Quickly now, no time to waste

Novice: Look sir! The Crown Jewels!

Master: Aren't they masterful!

Novice: Shall I take them sir?

Master: Now, now. We must make them good for our client. Clean them!

Novice: Would you like me to rub them sir?

Master: Yes, rub them vigorously!

Novice: I'm rubbing as hard as I can!

Master: Yes! Yes! They're perfect!

Novice: Now we take them?

Master: Be careful, they are precious...

Novice: But what if we get caught?

Lady Lillian: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY HUSBANDS CROWN JEWELS?!

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